sad day

Today has been slow and filled with tears.

Arnold died today from Aids. He was one of five of the original boys at St. Joe's and his loss is a great one. He passed away this morning and worship was hard. He has a son Raulph that I am friends with but wish I was closer. There is also a little sister not older then 5 and we should keep them in our prayers.

There is a boy named Steven here. He is the oldest here and after worship this morning he started to cry. Angela asked him why and he pointed to the picture of Arnold. Steven lost his dad about a year ago and I'm sure it was hitting home for him. He is so strong and such a good kid. He reminds me of Levi. Their faith is so strong for their age and it really humbles you to be with them. Steven is taking this hard so pray for him too please.

Tears fell from my face as I sat this morning. All I could do was to sit there and listen to all the boys sing. It fills you. Their sadness and joy and faith fill you to the point of tears. They sing with such emotion that it over whelms you sometimes. You could see the loss in their face. A dear brother. It has been gray all day with a soft rain.

I took a nap because I feel drained and sad only to wake up with the sound of the entire house filled with screaming and crying children. The nurse came to give shots. No one, NO ONE likes them and it does hurt. It's just not the best way to wake up but all you can do is to go and hold them.

Death is hard to deal with but I'm dealing and to be honest I saw him in such pain that I'm glad to know he is at peace now. All he could to was to sit and drink. He would suck down bottles of juice and water and then just sit looking out of breath and energy.

The rain brings me peace. It RAINED and our street was a river and I just about swam in it. It was funny because we were making dinner and I looked out the window to see a man on his roof with his arms lifted up to the sky with the rain coming down. This just made me smile because it would be something that I would do. I made Angela look and she laughed saying, "that's not Haitian." Haitian people are all scared of the rain and think that playing in it will make you sick. I laugh but understand. Oh the rain came down and I closed my eyes thinking of home. The smell was the same, the sound and I flew home that night.

I miss you all. It's hard here beause I look at the children and the people here and I can't read their face. I can't just look at them and know what they are feeling. That goes for the kids, for the boys, for everyone. It's hard. I want to be let in. I want to let go into someone but haven't found him or her yet. The only thing I can do is to keep turning to God and His word.

Please pray. I send my love.