light

Tonight my thought are with you.

I sit here with the glow of candle light. My mind drifts back to the oil lamps that the children color by at night. The candles that we light in your room. The candles floating among the flowers while we ate dinner with Bill.

I also have the light of the moon coming through my window behind me. The light wraps around my shoulders and I think of you you-you. I think of that light inside of you that will never ever die. I think of how many times you have wrapped your arms around me as my sister and as a dear friend. I would do the same if I was there with you now.

Light in my mind = hope. You are their light. You are my light. You are Haiti's light. You give me hope. Hope that will never ever die and the thing about your light is that it's so strong that it starts the fire in others and makes my flame want to burn brighter.

You-You I love you and I miss you. Let your light burn bright.

prayers please

I'm preaching this Sunday (tomorrow) about my trips to Haiti.
Please pray for me. That God will speak to these people through me to show and tell them the truth about Haiti, that there is hope for this country. That they see Haiti with new eyes and that I am spark something inside them that will cause them to reach out and help in any way they can.
I will post my "sermon" tonight or after I'm done.
thanks,
your sister Megan

Do I have talent?

Here are some of my top photos that I have taken and would love to know what you think?!
Please comment back and read the post below too, it's also new.

on the up side

I would like to thank you all for your support spoken and unspoken.
It's helps

Soooo maybe Haiti just isn't the place for me to be right now and I've come to terms with that fact. It was just so hard to hear that news over the summer...where it seems that good news would never come my way. Working in a church, helping Sophie-Ann and her family dealing with leukemia, my dad falling off a cliff and breaking his back -it was just a hard one.

but the clouds are parting and the sun is coming out once again. I'm going to go to England and see my Aunt Lee Ann and some friends. I also just got a job working for a photographer. I'm going to edit all her pictures and pick up a few tips along the way. This job just fell out of the sky and into my lap wrapped in a pretty ribbon.

This job is such a blessing because the next step in my life is to truly focus on photography. I've found that I have a talent and a natural eye for it. I've always been interested but once I came back from Haiti and people started to look at my pictures I was amazed that they started to ask about buying prints.

I will go back......I promise. I miss Haiti like crazy and thought about it alot when I saw you-you's moon shining bright orange through my window.

What do you do?

What do you do when a door closes? You wait for a window to open.

The door to Haiti is closed. I've had lots of doors close before but never has it hurt like this. The pain is more then just getting your fingers or toes caught, more like your heart slammed and broken into two pieces. Half of my heart is still in Haiti and it will always be there.

I asked to go back to the orphanage and was declined.

This news came three weeks ago and yet every time I think about this fact it still hurts like the first time I read those words. This doesn't mean that I will never go back but it will be at least a year before I will go back, back to St. Joe's with Deb.

This hurts and I'm sad. I keep thinking about what wonderful blessings this summer has brought to the orphanage -new children, the medical clinic and much more. How I wish I was going back to see how the children have grown, to see you-you's new cats and sink, to see the clinic, jimmy and junior.

so what do you do when the door has closed? I keep walking back to try the handle and see if the door is unlocked. I'm not ready to give up. Yet, I guess you'll never find the open window unless you look for it.

bravo to Carsen and Anne for the time they can give to the o, and to all the mom's and dad's going. Give them an extra hug from me the next time you go, especially Steven.

What are the odds?!?!

What are the odds that a little bit of Haiti would come my way this summer?

That's right, Walnes is here with me in IN for the 2007 Presbyterian Youth Triennium.
To be honest I've only seen him twice in three days with no more then 10 minutes to spend before I take off working again.

I'm leadership for the outdoor recreation team. That means I get to be on stage and make a fool of myself leading 5,000 youth in games and energizers. I love EVERY minute of it.

Today I FINALLY got to go to worship and Walnes sat beside me. It's great fun to watch him watching everyone around us. He made me laugh really hard after an amazing story was told and we all clapped while Walnes yelled out "BRAVO!" I just smiled. It's great to see him but it makes me miss them all... and I had a little piece of Haiti all day.

There was a guy in SCOC who had on a very cool pair of sun glasses and you could just tell that he was cool, that reminded me of Jean Bernard. Then a 11 year old boy had a solo and I thought of Woodrot singing in God Spell. Then a man named Jay looked like George and acted like Papi. I also found a little girl dancing and playing with a little drum and it made me miss all the kids at the O. I was just a wave after wave today but it was wonderful.

Hope in the Dark

"When Jesus commanded up to care for the widows and orphans, He wasn't speaking in metaphor. He really meant it. In Africa, that's the greatest thing anyone could do."

I think that goes for Haiti too.

One death is one too many.

If you want to know the pulse and strength of Haiti, spend a day with the women of a village. In the midst of deep suffering, domestic abuse, societal and poverty constraints, the women are the stability of Haiti. They will carry the buckets upon their heads, touch the wounds of the sick, accept the burdens of helping the villages survive - and all the while, they will be singing praises to God.

Everybody smiles in the same language.

The longest journey is the journey inward.

There is such tragedy and yet such beauty at the same time. Overwhelmed by the insanity of their broken world, I find it difficult to understand how the pieces of it all fit together. The same earth an hold the fragrance of a field of flowers while also occupying the stench of urine on hot concrete.

I smile because they are beaming with promise. I cry because they have lost their parents to AIDS. I ache because their hope will be stolen from them. "Who will care for me now? Who will show me love?" they ask. I hope the answer has something to do with you and me.

I have not forgotten you

I know none of you will read this but I wish you could. To all my dear Haiti friends and to the people I have yet met. I want you to know that I have not forgotten you. I want you to know how I am sharing my story, your stories. I am showing your beautiful faces to everyone that I know in hopes of changing their hearts to care more about others in this world. To show them that you all have dreams and goals just like we do. I am going to teach Sunday School this Sunday and talk about my trip to Haiti. I will talk about you and I pray that they will hear the passion in my voice. I hope to sparksomeing deep within their hearts that will overcome their apathy and become motivated to care, to act, and to stay devoted to helping the ones around them.

I will never forget you. Never. I miss you with all my heart and think of you daily. My mind flashes back to Jonas in my pink sun glasses. To Noah pointing out that the cat in on the chair. To Steven dancing for the first time. Angela painting in my room.Fritzon's enthusiasm, Mia's attitude, Alixson's loves for cars, Jimmy's singing, Bethany's laugh, You-You's orange quilt. I remember the dirty looks I got for my muched loved haircut, the girls sitting outside every night saying hello. The old women we would always pass who didn't have any teeth. Popcorn, pasta, movies,soccer, and swimming in the road.

I am caught up in my life right now working at the church. A lot has happened and I have a lot of responsibility. Yet every chance I get I travel back to Haiti in my mind and tell people about the amazing people who live there.

I miss you, I love you and please know that I have not forgotten.

a new chapter

This week is the beginning of a new chapter of my life.

I'm working for the Riverside Presbyterian Church this summer being their youth intern. The senior high youth group came up to montreat for week one and I've been spending all my time with them. It's been a blast so far and it's nice to get to know them on my turf before I go to theirs.

Last night the youth were looking to dig deeper and some questions came up that directly related to my story. ......so I jumped in and shared a bit about my story and calling. Most of the youth cried at this because they are at the point where I began, unhappy. They are lost and searching for their calling. I gave them hope to hold onto as well as my hands to hold. In God's time you will know your calling, have faith! It was kind of scary to share my struggles with youth that I don't know yet but they were so hungry for my story.

The theme for the conference this year is turning the page, (your story). As I reflected about what I had shared I realized that I not only told my story but the story of Haiti. It's now one in the same. Haiti's story is now mine and mine is apart of Haiti. While I tell my story I'm also tell the story of all the kids at the O, you-you, St. Joe's boys, Jimmy and Junior, and the parents waiting for their kids in the states. We are all connected. I love this thought. I have a responsibility to share what I have learned and it's not only what I've learned but is now a part of my life. It is very humbling and an honor to speak for the people of Haiti. The truth and passion rings true and loud from my heart. This summer I will talk a lot about Haiti for my theme is Global Issues.

Now I start this new chapter in my life. I've very excited to work with the youth, to flip their world, to educate and empower them. I just pray that the people of Haiti will one day understand how much I care and love them.

I feel like.......

DANCING!!!

The past two days have been fully bright and happy.
I wish I was back with the kids and nannies singing,
clapping, and dancing around the o. I'm just happy
and miss their songs of praise and joy, their passion.

that's something that I do miss. In Haiti when people
dance, sing, or even clap their hands they do it with
such passion you feed off of each other till everyone is
overflowing with life. It's was such a blessing to be a
part of that. This is funny but I loved my shower time
because I could count on hearing the nannies sing in the
baby room. My favorite song was one they sand witch
incorporates all the kids names into it. The joy on the
child's face was fabulous and they were always dancing.
I also think of Mia and how she could never sit still in church
when Bill was playing the drum and how Noah doesn't have
a care in the world when he dances. Then there is dear
Steven how is learning to dance at St. Joe's and growing up
so fast. I think of that moment when my heart as well as
Angela's swelled with pride.

I've been doing a lot of dancing myself and just called
a 2 hour square dance. I don't think Haitians have
ever heard of that but as long as it makes you happy I
encourage you to dance any way you like.

DANCE!

venting

Today I walked around the mall expecting to find some clothing that I just couldn't live without. I went home empty handed. I tried lots of things on, some worked and some didn't. The truth is that I just couldn't bring myself to buy the overpriced pieces of material. I didn't want to pretend that buying this shirt would somehow satisfy me, fulfill me when I know people that live off of a dollar a day. The top that I was wanting was 68.00


I went to Haiti to learn, to make new friends, to fix and humble myself. That happened. I've grown and changed and have taken so much back with me it's been amazing. One thing that I didn't count for is how hard it would be coming back to America where most people don't understand what you just experienced.

For example I learned that one of my friends is sick. I've know this for a while and have been fearing finding out the true facts of why his side hurts, why his eyes are yellow. Tonight I learned that he has bleeding ulcers. I know that he doesn't have the money to go to the hospital for surgery, for meds, for help. He told me that he misses me and is scared to die.

His name is Junior. Junior is my dear brother and acted like my big brother while I was in Haiti. He took care of me, he made me laugh, we played soccer together and fell asleep under the stars together. Junior honestly acts like a 7th grader but I love him very much. I don't want him to die. He has faith, he has morals, and is such a great guy. When I will tell people about this most of them will say, that sucks...I'm sorry and I'll pray but Megan you can't save them all and if he dies then he dies. NO, that is where you will not understand. It sucks when death can't be prevented but this can. You could do something about this, you could help. I hate money but the fact is that money does matter and in this case it could save Junior's life. People just don't
understand that poverty is personal to me now. I know the names and faces of the people that live in poverty, that will die because they lack basic humanitarian needs. These people are no longer numbers or facts, they are my friends.

Most people just don't even know what to do or to say when I tell them things like this. News like this first brings tears to my eyes and then comes the fire. This is something worth being angry over, this is something worth fighting for, this is something worth crying over. I know you will never understand and I can't ask you to but I do ask you to care, to pray, to donate and
educate yourselves. You truly can make a difference so start now, open your heart, listen to their cry.

please pray for Junior.

moving forward

it's been too long.

I've been really busy at home doing lots of things but I do have some news.

1. I went to a conference two weeks ago called ARW, the Annual Recreation Workshop. There I took classes and my Grandfather started the conference with a friend so my family is very involved. Every year there is an auction where people bring donated items to put in the auction and all the money goes toward the scholarship fund. I decided to print and frame 4 of my Haiti pictures. Well, these turned out to be the talk of the conference. It was great. I got to educate people about my trip and Haiti. One of my pictures sold for 145.oo. They were hot items and everyone seemed to want them. This caught me off guard completely and I was overwhelmed with complements. After the auction I then had people come up to me telling me that they
wanted to buy my prints. I had no clue what to say or do but here is my plan. I sell a print for 50.00 and the print framed for 75.00. Half of this money goes to the orphanage. I'm just about to put up some prints in our local coffee shop to see if they will sell and raise more money. What a great way to share Haiti with others, raise money, and educate all at the same time!

2. With my attention being brought to my photography skills some people have pushed me to look into going to a photography school. I'm talking just photography, like an intense 1 to 2 year program that I can graduate from. This is just kind of a new door that has been presented to me and I don't know if the Lord will open it for me but it's just a thought. Photojournalism might come of it but i really don't know where
that could take me.

3. I'm still very excited about this summer. I'm a youth intern at a church in florida and I'm working on my lesson plans for the kids. I am going to flip their world, I hope to change their lives. My passion is loving children, orphans. My theme for this summer will be global issues, to educate, take action, andempower the youth. Haiti has taught me so much. It's no longer a "global issue" to me, it's real. I know the names, faces, and hearts of the ones that are suffering. Haiti has changed my life.

4. I feel like all my friends are going to Africa. I'm jealous. That's where I wanted to go from the very beginning but God had different plans. Now that all my friends are going I have mixed feelings, I'mjealous but at the same time it makes me not want to go to Africa. They've got it covered, and my job is to find the invisible
children of the rest of the world, like in Haiti. I never would have thought Haiti would be where it all starts but God is good.

5. How I miss it. All of it. I have a pain in my heart that won't go away. I want to go back now. I miss the kids, I miss you-you and her moon, I miss the boys, I even missWa-Wa . Oh how my heart drifts back to you every day but even more so now. I am praying for all the kids, for the staff, for all the parents waiting to bring their child home, and for you-you...for strength, wisdom, dedication, and peace. I feel as if I am your number one fan (other then your mom and dad) and still sent all my support and love from the states.

the bridge

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU-YOU!!!

happy birthday you-you
happy birthday you-you
happy birthday you-you
happy birthday you-you

I think back to that short clip you have of the kids singing to you and just start to laugh. I hope you have a wonderful day full of love and joy. On this day you were born. What a blessing that is to us all. God loved you, He held you and guided you. Look where you are today...right where He wants you, in Haiti.

What a joyful day! Bravo You-You Bravo! I wish I could be there with you to eat some more fish stuffed with fish and to maybe have another wild night like my last one but then I would be just as happy to be back on the roof with you laughing, crying, praying under the stars. There would be flowers all over your house and lots of apple juice too and then I would make you that extra cheesy pasta and maybe some popcorn later on. Oh what fun!

You Angela have been blessed to be a blessing and I love you.

~Mega'm

Kesmith and Papy

This is Kesmith the son of Papy. Papy and Ketly could have traveled to the states where you could have been born but they didn't. This is a huge step for a Haitian. I love this decision because it means that Papy has pride for his country. This is the first step for a better Haiti, the people must see that change is possible, they must see the land they live on is good and worth fighting for. In a conversation with Papy someone asked him, "What are your dreams and hope for your son?" His answer struck me to the core. He said that he hoped that Kesmith would grow up having the same love for the country as he does. He hopes that Kesmith will finish the work Papy can't and to help all the people he will never reach. Papy is giving his own son to his country. This is amazing to me. He doesn't wish for a playful childhood, but a life in service to others, well all know that's not an easy path to follow. This is what Papy wishes for his son. I have never seen a more loving father. He is not shy at all about being verbal or affectionate with Ketsmith and I just sit in wonder at their relationship. I will write more about Papy but this is mainly for Kesmith. I pray that he will only grow in love for the land, people, and culture of Haiti and to finish the work left undone by his father. I pray that he will see what a blessing and honor it is to fight for the survival of his country. I pray that he will be the voice for the ones who can't speak. What a beautiful family and gift they have. I have truly been blessed by them all. I look at this baby boy and wonder.....Will you accept the task before you? Do you know how much love will surround you as you take this task upon you? The people need you, will you lead them?
I pray that you do

mia

I've been wanting to write about this picture for some time. I think this picture really doesn't need any words in the first place so I'll just share my thoughts about it.

I look at this picture and I think it just says "Haiti". That's it. That's all you need right there.

However I think it's very ironic that I caught Mia in this pose. I look at this picture and think, this is not the typical Mia that I know. She has attitude, spunk, confidence, energy, and can never sit still when there is music playing. That's just it, people looking in from the outside would just see this quiet girl keeping to herself but if you go meet her your life is suddenly filled with color and energy, just like the country of Haiti. This is how the world views Haiti, black & white, depressing...but I ask you to look closer and to call her by name.

If you are willing this is what you might find.

for my dear brothers

these are my dear boys at St. Joe's. I know them all by name and became very close with them.
My heart goes out to all of them tonight because I miss them too and can only pray that they are doing ok. I pray with all my heart that they will know that God's love will be with them where every they my end up, on the streets or in a home. I pray that they see me as their sister that they could turn to at any time to ask for help or just for a simple hug in comfort. To count stars with, play soccer, be the star in your movie, or to just enjoy the show. I hope that one day you will be able to spread your wings wide to fully enjoy and explore the life God made you to live. Be strong, know where you stand and look at how far you've come. I miss you all very much, ~megan

Bravo You-You Bravo!!!!

Bravo You-You Bravo:

I’ve been meaning to do this for quite some time now but I really just want this to be a thank you and a moment in memory of us.

There were so many things that I wanted to say that last day but didn’t know how and there was little time to stop. My mind often drifts back to Haiti, to my spot on the roof under the stars, to the kids, but very often to you as well. Angela I have incredible respect for what you do, where you’ve come from, and the women of Christ that you are. I look to you as a mentor, as my sister, as my friend, and as a motherly figure.

When I first came I just laugh at myself for being so indecisive around you. It was understandable, I was out of my element for one thing and anyone coming in just sees that this is your turf so I was a little hesitant to walk where you were. That all changed very quickly, thanks to St. Joe’s boys who threw us both into some very dramatic, childish predicaments. To be honest I’m really glad that I came when I did because you were being worn thin and needed an outlet. That was me and I was very glad to fill those shoes. I just remember letting it all out, pacing under your moon. It was time and I’m glad I was there. From that moment on I felt like there was nothing that could come between us. I trusted you with everything and we became accountability partners without that even being said. I love how our prayers, conversations, and questions were so real. They were deep and out in the open. We let ourselves become so vulnerable witch is the beauty of our friendship. I want you to know that I cherish everything that was said between us and I’m not just walking away with your secrets. I’m not walking away at all. I’m still here, still praying, somehow still under the same light that comes from your moon. We are still connected and I will make an effort so that this friendship will never be broken.

In so many ways I feel like I was walking in your foot steps. I was there for your one year anniversary. What a blessing that was, what a night! In a lot of ways you are doing and have done what I feel called to do and what I can only hope to do. If I came back (witch will happen) I would come to pay more attention in learning what it takes to run an orphanage. What you do, to shadow. I saw a lot of it but didn’t ask my questions and know that I missed a lot of things. Plus I just can’t stay way from those kids.

Bravo! The Lord has blessed you in so many ways. You can cut hair, cook for and feed 33 children, put out fires, demolish an army of tarantulas, make an awesome casserole, and will go swimming with me in the street. I love how we would laugh until we cried. I think about all our movies and our game, the conversation of enlightenment with Jimmy and Junior “My Ass”. Singing in the chapel, and picking flowers. I love and respect how you are so willing to share your faith and how grounded you are in Him. I think the part I love most looking back on all our memories is how I’ve seen you at the top of your game, yet you’ve let me in to be a part of your most confidential feelings and moments. I’ve seen you pray over your child in a hospital, cry over a death, become astonished by the faith of a child. I’ve seen the fire light up in your eyes when a boy was once again forced to wander the streets of Haiti. I’ve seen you so passionate and strong but I’ve also seen the tenderest moments that could have only come from the center of your heart. I’ve seen you melt, become a puddle, and collapse in bewilderment about the reality of who just walked through the door. I can’t thank you enough for sharing those moments with me and I will always cherish them.

So I thank you.

Thank you for everything that you’ve taught me and will teach me. I feel like you’re the older version of me. You are living the life I hope to live one day. You’ve played such a big part in my life and I don’t think we’re done yet.

Please know that I pray for you every day. I know that it’s a lot of responsibility but you are right where God wants you to be. The way I can tell so is just by looking at you, anyone can see how happy you are and how much the kids are in love with you. I pray that you never loose that focus. I send my love and always look for you in the moon.

I love you!